How To Support a Loved One in Recovery This Christmas

The silly season brings an excess of parties, social gatherings, fun and frivolity along with an excess of alcohol. For those in early recovery navigating all this clean and sober can be challenging, so here’s how you can support a friend or family member in recovery this Christmas.  

Understanding addiction   

Addiction is still widely misunderstood as a moral failing or something that can be cured by exerting more willpower. If someone you love is struggling with addiction or is in recovery, one of the best things you can do to support them is learn about addiction. Dr Stephen Jurd, Addiction Psychiatrist and Chairman of The Sydney Retreat has a series of talks on Addiction and the Brain which are a must-watch for anyone wanting to know more about the effects of addiction on the brain and how this changes when in recovery. Knowing what you’re up against will support you to make informed decisions and help manage your expectations when it comes to the alcoholic or addict in your life.

Keep communication open 

Trying to figure out how to support someone in early recovery can be a challenge as they often don’t know what they need themselves. It is important to remember that recovery is a journey for the whole family and getting into the habit of having open and honest conversations, no matter how difficult these might be, is the best way to learn how you can support them. Putting pressure on them or expecting too much too soon is likely to lead to confrontation or withdrawal. Ask them how you can support them, especially around Christmas and family celebrations and remember, they are new to this too. 

“Don’t be overprotective, recovering alcoholics need to learn to live in a world where alcohol is served and answer for themselves.” So You Love an Alcoholic, Al-anon Family Groups.

Celebrate without alcohol

The silly season brings a whole lot of celebrations and social gatherings and that usually means more events with alcohol. For a person in recovery, the constant exposure to situations where alcohol is served can be overwhelming. While there is no need to wrap them in cotton wool or try to control every situation, having an alcohol-free Christmas is one way to remove a potential trigger, especially for someone in early recovery. Think of how you can create new traditions or ways to celebrate without alcohol. Sometimes a little bit of effort can go a long way to making them feel supported and part-of. 

Help them prioritise recovery 

Whether you are in recovery or not, the holiday season can really throw us off our regular routines and daily disciplines. For someone in a 12 Step recovery program it is important they continue to do the things that help keep them clean and sober such as attending 12 Step recovery meetings, maintaining regular contact with their peers and sponsor, and continuing to work their program. Sometimes juggling everything and trying to “do it all” can mean recovery takes a back seat. Encourage them to do the things that have got them to this point in their recovery and don’t make them feel bad if they need to leave a family occasion early to attend a 12 Step meeting. In high-pressure situations these tools can act as a lifeline to someone in recovery.  

“Many alcoholics need daily A.A. meetings; just remember it is treatment for an illness. Be grateful if the alcoholic seeks recovery, even when it means he or she is away from home to receive help.” So You Love an Alcoholic, Al-anon Family Groups.

Be patient, understanding and set realistic expectations 

Just because your loved one is clean and sober, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in for the happy family Christmas you dreamed of when they were in active addiction. Early recovery often goes hand in hand with big emotions as they adjust to living without alcohol and drugs. Sometimes early recovery might make your loved one seem withdrawn or disconnected. Be patient as they navigate their way and trust that in time it will get easier for both them and you. Remember to keep encouraging them and remind them of how far they have come. 

“Don’t expect immediate, complete recovery for the drinker or the family. Alcoholism, the illness, took a long time to develop; convalescence is a slow process too. There may be what are known as ‘dry drunks’, emotional tensions in the alcoholic which have nothing to do with actual drinking. Be patient. At such times you may think things are worse than they were in the drinking days. Patience and tolerance will help these trying times to pass.” So You Love an Alcoholic, Al-anon Family Groups.

Take care of yourself 

We know from experience that when the whole family is involved in recovery, the chances of success for the alcoholic or addict are increased. We also know that families and friends need support too. No one understands what it is like to live with the impact of someone else’s drinking or drugging quite like someone who has been through it themselves. There are 12 Step programs for the family and friends of alcoholics or addicts which provide free, ongoing support and tools to help you recover from the impacts of addiction. 

“Don’t wait to seek help. Anyone who has suffered from the effects of someone else’s drinking faces constant emotional strains and pressures and needs help relieving these.” So You Love an Alcoholic, Al-anon Family Groups.

If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction this Christmas, our team are just a phone call away. Call us on 02 9171 2920.

Al-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope in order to solve their common problems. For more information visit al-anon.org.au.