Guest spotlight: Ange W

“For years I was stuck in a vicious cycle of alcohol abuse, I tried everything to change and failed. The Sydney Retreat gave me the key to freedom, a way out of my addiction and a new life.”

After twenty-five years of heavy drinking, run-ins with the law, hospitalisations and feeling like there was no way out, Ange came to The Sydney Retreat in 2022 and has been sober since. This is her story. 

I grew up in a big family and was always in a state of fight or flight. My father died of alcoholism and I was determined to prove I wasn’t like him. I kept saying that I had anxiety and depression and I attended four rehabs in eighteen months but I was never entirely honest. I would lie to the psychiatrists and didn’t tell them the truth about drinking. 

Despite not thinking alcohol was my problem, I had multiple DUI charges (Driving while Under the Influence), suicide attempts and had been locked up and scheduled. I was a chronic isolator, full of fear and moved around a lot trying to keep my drinking a secret. 

Covid and lock down really ramped things up and during that time I was charged with my third DUI and nearly seriously hurt someone. I was at work drunk and I was just drunk, drunk, drunk all the time. It was insanity. 

I wanted to die and I said what I now know to be the ‘alcoholic prayer’ – I just desperately wanted to stop the suffering and cried out for help. I had Googled rehabs for alcohol in the past but wouldn’t actually call them. I came across The Sydney Retreat and had a few drunk conversations with the very patient staff there and eventually I came around to the idea of letting them help me.  

I came to The Sydney Retreat in February 2022 and in those first few days I was fighting with everyone, arguing with everyone. I was very sick. 

During that first week, the staff shone the light on me. I was hiding behind everyone and everything and was in total denial about my drinking. I thought everyone else was to blame and I was somehow divine and perfect. They managed to hit home that I suffered from this disease. With truth after truth, I was like, ‘that’s me, that’s me.’ They were speaking the truth and I had reached a point where I didn’t know a lie from the truth any more – I was that mad. 

The delusion was smashed and I came to understand that I was an alcoholic. I went to bed and cried for a few days – the realisation was shocking but acceptance came quite quickly after that. 

I’ve stayed sober and haven’t had a drink since leaving The Sydney Retreat. It was drummed into me while I was there – meetings, sponsor, steps, service. I’ve never been very good with discipline but I had the gift of desperation and have been able to continue on this path.  

Today, I try to keep life quite simple – I turn up to work sober, I have a driver’s licence, I’m present with friends and family, I can have a relationship today. I’ve learnt to listen. I travel around Australia for work and I can find the rooms of A.A. and find friends – for an isolator I still struggle but I’m moving towards a different way of life. Now I can show up for life whilst before I was in bed all the time. I was just not living life at all, just complaining about it. 

My family are all delighted I’m sober. For twenty years everyone was screaming, “you’re an alcoholic!” but I just couldn’t see it – physically I remained OK but mentally, emotionally and spiritually I was bankrupt. 

While I was at The Sydney Retreat, the obsession to drink lifted. Something happened in there and I still believe it’s a miracle that I don’t drink. I got sober at forty-four and in my active addiction I had let go of love, life and children for alcohol. A.A. has given me the tools to live where before I had a programme to die. I am incredibly grateful for John and everyone at The Sydney Retreat for helping me see the truth about my alcoholism and setting me on the path for a life of recovery.